This will be the first time since I self-published "My British Bear" in 2017 that I will not sell it at an author fair. In fact, "My British Bear" has been unpublished from Amazon.
But why? Why would I unpublish a book I used to be proud of? My original self-published novella?
The decision to unpublish it has nothing to do with money, not liking the story, or even truly questionable content. It's simply because it is not what I wanted it to be.
"My British Bear" helped me cope with realizing I lived in an abusive household. I wanted to write a warm romance story that explored mental health issues and the effects of emotional abuse as opposed to simply physical. In 2017, this wasn't a common structure or theme for a book. In 2023, it is very common.
But that's not the reason I took it down either.
I wrote the book because I wanted to exemplify good role models and healthy relationships that readers could crave. At the time, I fully believed the stuff I was writing was healthy, wholesome, and romantic. But, I've grown since 2017. I've since married and learned what a true, healthy relationship can be.
And my book does not exemplify that in the ways I had hoped it would. I've recently been rewriting it. I want to re-publish it under the original title I had for it, "A Light in the Dark" (partially because older folk always think my title is about... less savory topics). But, as I've rewritten it, I've had to reread the old version and think about it more critically.
And it's not what I want the world to think is acceptable.
Again, nothing in it is egregious. It doesn't praise abuse or have the most toxic characters of all time, otherwise readers wouldn't love it. But it's not something that I would want my daughter, if I had one, reading and thinking was normal.
So, for the time being, "My British Bear" is unavailable. Brooks' and Maria's stories aren't over, they're just being refined. And "A Light in the Dark" should be out by the end of next year.
It's a bit bittersweet, but it also feels like a weight has been taken off of my chest.
So, the paperback versions of "My British Bear" that still sit in my office will be turned into ornaments and gifts to bring joy (and to help NOT put more waste into the environment) and a new story, well, the same story, will be back soon. Just a little bit better. And a whole lot more wholesome.
Thank you again for all of your support for this book over the years, and I'm looking forward to you seeing the story as it should be.
Stay safe this holiday season, and I'll see you soon!